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I still live!

Okay I haven't updated in over a year and lots of stuff has happened and lots of stuff is the same.

My tumblr really is the best way to keep updated but I do want to still remember livejournal because it was such a big part of my life, the people and the culture.

I still hold you all dear to my heart <3


I am still alive!

Hey! Sorry I haven't been on LJ at all in.... like....over 4 months or something. Some important things that have happened lately:

I am out to my whole (immediate) family and that's all good.

Another anniversary happened and I'm still okay.

I got sucked into BBC Sherlock.

I was selected for The Rat Game at the last Emilie Autumn concert I went to, so I have had my first kiss and it was with Veronica Varlow!

My older brother is now living in a Boston suburb.

My high school's band director was arrested and I have been avoiding local news reports on it at all cost. I still don't know the results of the trial, if it is done... It's been a major source of stress since the beginning of January.

I took a term off from school in the fall but now I'm back.

Oh and tumblr.

I WILL be on LJ more, though. I will!


BAD Internet Laws Heading Your Way

Originally posted by write_light at BAD Internet Laws Heading Your Way

From the flist: 

Spread the word, even you're not a US citizen, it is important for everyone!! It easy to do and it can change everything. More info by clicking on the banner.

Website Blocking

The government can order service providers to block websites for infringing links posted by any users.

Risk of Jail for Ordinary Users

It becomes a felony with a potential 5 year sentence to stream a copyrighted work that would cost more than $2,500 to license, even if you are a totally noncommercial user, e.g. singing a pop song on Facebook.

Chaos for the Internet

Thousands of sites that are legal under the DMCA would face new legal threats. People trying to keep the internet more secure wouldn't be able to rely on the integrity of the DNS system.

Read this analysis from boing-boing.net

Get on the phone and call your representative. Express your disapproval. Tell him or her exactly how you feel, and that you don't support this. Tell your friends to call their representatives, their Congressperson, and complain. Mention that you are a registered voter that takes your civic responsibility seriously and that you will use that vote to express your feelings about this.


“We support the bill’s stated goals — providing additional enforcement tools to combat foreign ‘rogue’ websites that are dedicated to copyright infringement or counterfeiting,” the Internet companies wrote in Tuesday’s letter. “Unfortunately, the bills as drafted would expose law-abiding U.S. Internet and technology companies to new uncertain liabilities, private rights of action and technology mandates that would require monitoring of websites.”  The chamber-led coalition in support of the bill includes Walmart, Eli Lilly & Co. and Netflix.

Google and other opponents of the legislation argue that restricting the Internet in the U.S. sets a bad international precedent and that the language defines infringing too broadly.

Mississippi Personhood Amendment

Originally posted by twbasketcase at Mississippi Personhood Amendment
Originally posted by gabrielleabelle at Mississippi Personhood Amendment
Okay, so I don't usually do this, but this is an issue near and dear to me and this is getting very little no attention in the mainstream media.

Mississippi is voting on November 8th on whether to pass Amendment 26, the "Personhood Amendment". This amendment would grant fertilized eggs and fetuses personhood status.

Putting aside the contentious issue of abortion, this would effectively outlaw birth control and criminalize women who have miscarriages. This is not a good thing.

Jackson Women's Health Organization is the only place women can get abortions in the entire state, and they are trying to launch a grassroots movement against this amendment. This doesn't just apply to Mississippi, though, as Personhood USA, the group that introduced this amendment, is trying to introduce identical amendments in all 50 states.

What's more, in Mississippi, this amendment is expected to pass. It even has Mississippi Democrats, including the Attorney General, Jim Hood, backing it.

The reason I'm posting this here is because I made a meager donation to the Jackson Women's Health Organization this morning, and I received a personal email back hours later - on a Sunday - thanking me and noting that I'm one of the first "outside" people to contribute.

So if you sometimes pass on political action because you figure that enough other people will do something to make a difference, make an exception on this one. My RSS reader is near silent on this amendment. I only found out about it through a feminist blog. The mainstream media is not reporting on it.

If there is ever a time to donate or send a letter in protest, this would be it.

What to do?

- Read up on it. Wake Up, Mississippi is the home of the grassroots effort to fight this amendment. Daily Kos also has a thorough story on it.

- If you can afford it, you can donate at the site's link.

- You can contact the Democratic National Committee to see why more of our representatives aren't speaking out against this.

- Like this Facebook page to help spread awareness.

trigger warning: sexual assault but I can't really lj-cut rn it's taking enough effort to capitalize anything.

didn't come out. not yet. but I told her about how I think about the assault every fucking day and I cried my eyes out. I'm glad I finally talked to her. I think... now we may finally be able to work on things. maybe. I have a psych appt. on Friday and my mom is coming with me. hopefully we can talk it out more and my psych can help us out.

I am just so sick of this. I am so sick of being controlled by some faceless hand. I try not to be. I am tired of people telling me that I "can't let him do this to me." I am not letting him do this. I try so much. but it's not that easy. I'll get there one day. I hope. but obviously not now because the memories already fucked up my second year of college. I don't even know if I'll be able to continue. I am terrified and drunk.

but I'm pretty sure I can cut back on the drinking now that I've had this conversation with my mother. that's one reason I drink more than than necessary. so I can have the courage to talk to her about things.

she hugged me and was wonderful and she really is the best mother ever no matter how stressful it is and I am so thankful that she is my mother.

I promise this journal will be about fandom again soon. especially after thursday and friday.

you folks are awesome.


Originally posted by darkspirited1 at SIGNAL BOOST: SAY YES TO GAY YA
This comes from an article by rachelmanija entitled, Say Yes to Gay YA.
(click the link for the full article)

Our novel Stranger has five viewpoint characters; one, Yuki Nakamura, is
gay and has a boyfriend. Yuki's romance, like the heterosexual ones in
the novel, involves nothing more explicit than kissing.

An agent from a major agency, one which represents a bestselling YA novel in the same genre as ours, called us.

The agent offered to sign us on the condition that we make the gay
character straight, or else remove his viewpoint and all references to
his sexual orientation.

This isn't about that specific agent; we'd gotten other rewrite requests before this one. Previous agents had also offered to take a second look if we did rewrites… including cutting the viewpoint of Yuki, the gay character.

It's time to stand up and demand change. Spread the word everywhere if you are just as angry and outraged by this.

Howsabouts a happy coming out post!

Basically I feel like I need to make it clear that I am happier since my last post. I feel like I'm getting closer to being able to tell my parents and so much of that is thanks to all of you! ALL OF YOU! SO HEY PARTY TIME!

There's somethin' you should and I'm gonna tell you so, don't sweat it, forget it, enjoy the show!


Here it is folks.

I am a lesbian. I am gay. I like women pretty much exclusively. And I am more comfortable with the word "lesbian" than I ever have been with "bisexual", so yeah.

I do believe what I felt for all my male crushes in the past was legit, but they were really innocent, "I wanna chill with you" crushes.

Thank you, all of you, so much for your comments on my last post. I didn't respond to all of them, in fact I only responded to one, because it's just... hard. It's hard to express how thankful I am for each an every one of you. (If you didn't see it, it was heavily locked, so you didn't miss it.) I love all of you. ALL OF YOU.

I am scared shitless. I am terrified of the future. I am mortified that some of my friends, my female friends in particular, will never be the same around me if I tell them. That our friendship will be uncomfortable for them. Even if I've known them since I was nine or younger. Only on IRL friend knows.

I am scared that my closest cousin won't see me the same way. That whole side of the family is very conservative. But what if this ruins our relationship? Would she even come to my wedding?

Can I ever even get married? Oregon passed a constitutional amendment in 2004 banning same-sex marriage. I was honestly more disappointed with that than Bush winning. People think of Oregon is an uber liberal hippie state, but that's mostly Portland and Eugene. Much of the state is conservative. What if it's never overturned? I don't want to have to leave my fucking home just for my union to be recognized. I love Oregon. I could never move out of this state. I identify as an Oregonian with all my heart. Put a bird on it. Ducks. Beavers. Trees. Rain. Strawberries. Nerdshit. Hipsters. Hippies. Tillamook cheese. Wine. I love it all. I don't want to move to New York or Iowa. I want to get married here.

I am shit scared of what might happen if I hold hands with a woman in public. What men, shitty men, assholes, not cool dudes, might say. What they might do. I can't get hurt like that again. I can't get hurt worse. I fucking can't.

I hate myself for being so ashamed of myself for being gay. I shouldn't. My parents never gave me any reason for this. I think I'm just ashamed of being remotely sexual. I hate being ashamed of something like that. There is nothing wrong with it. I am a sex-positive feminist. Why am I ashamed of occasionally having sexual feelings towards other women?

I am terrified of telling my parents. They are liberal. They are pro-gay rights. But it was so fucking awkward when I came out to them as queer/bisexual. They'll love me no matter what, but I'm still scared I'll be disappointing them. No son-in-law from me. Probably no blood grandchildren. But there are so many kids who need homes. And I don't think I should pass on my genetics. But that's not the point right now. The point is I have no idea how to go about coming out again, this time dashing their hopes that I might ever have a "normal" life with a man. I'll basically be telling them that I'm even more of an "other" than I already was. That my life will be harder for yet another reason. I think I've even been drinking a bit more since realizing that I'm gay in hopes that maybe if I'm buzzed enough I'll just tell them and things will be easier that way. I know that's not smart and not the way to go about it and even when I'm as close to drunk as I'll ever get I just start freaking out like "What if I tell them now? THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE."

And since realizing I'm gay, I have just felt so disconnected. Even more disconnected from the media, pop culture, my straight and even bi friends, feeling alone and shit. I worry that even my bisexual friends will feel awkward. And seeing so few gay characters on TV, every song on the radio being about straightness, it's so... isolating. I feel like no one will understand, but I know that's stupid shit because a lot of people are gay and I have gay friends who I could probably talk to. Like I didn't feel isolated enough this past year with utterly fucking up with school and the PTSD.

God. Does anyone have advice? Hugs? Support? This has been driving me nuts all summer.

Ha! I just told my younger brother and he said in a very dramatic voice, like the one he uses when his D&D character talks about his hatred for Merfolk, "I ALWAYS FIGURED!" That's probably the best response I have gotten. Relieves so much awkwardness.

So. Yeah. This is public right now because. Well. It's a step, I guess. And if this post makes anyone uncomfortable, I'm sorry. That's one of my biggest fears. I'm sorry. I might f-lock it later.

I love you guys. So much. And I hate to ask more of you. Ask for more support when I am shit at helping.


Here is another reason to love Portland: Trek in the Park! From Atomic Arts' website, "Our first show was the first annual installment of TREK IN THE PARK, a live adaptation of a classic STAR TREK episode performed in a park setting." Yeah, it's pretty much Shakespeare in the Park but with Star Trek so it's even cooler. This is their third year, and they're doing "Mirror, Mirror". It was AWESOME.

On Saturday, my friend Dee and I trekked (lulz) over to Northeast via public transportation to watch adults re-enact Star Trek episodes. The acting was perfectly over-the-top, they had MUSIC CUES FROM THE SHOW and other sound effects, awesome costumes, and a fun atmosphere!

We got there half an hour early but there were hardly any places to sit left where you could actually see anything. Luckily, in our search we came across some very nice folks with almost-front row seats offered space near them. We shared our strawberries with them, and they shared their hummus, crackers, and cheese! They also had a very sweet dog with them who looked very concerned during the Kirk/Chekov fight.

We talked about all sorts of nerdy stuff before the show actually began. One of them, the woman, is going to get in touch with both of us about a local LARP group. MY MOM WOULD BE SO PROUD /not.

Portland Mayor Sam Adams was there and gave an opening statement, and declared July 2011 to be Trek in the Park month. The mayor of Portland is a nerd? SHOCKER.

The performance, like I said early, was AWESOME. Epic, actually. GROOVY, even! Over-the-top, hilarious, and perfect! It was word-for-word the script from the episode. The crowd cheered, laughed, etc. The crowd went WILD when McCoy said "I'm a doctor, not a mechanic!" and also when Uhura took the knife from Marlena.

Also, at one point a small, very furry dog got loose and ran around. Like, all you could see was the fur. The crowd loved it and the cast kept going. You KNOW everyone was thinking "TRIBBLE!" Nerds are the best.

THE FIGHTS WERE SOOOO GOOD! Seriously, they looked better than they did in the show! THEY WERE FLAWLESS!

After the show, Dee and I got autographs from all the main cast. They were so nice! And McCoy liked my Scott Pilgrim shirt!

I am definitely going again next year! Possibly even a second time this year, and bring my siblings!


SPOCK AND A KITTEN! What more could you want?Collapse )

Picture taken with my outdated phone, so sorry for the quality. Someone brought their brand new kitten, hadn't even named it yet, and Spock held it and many pictures were taken. I got to hold the kitten, too! It was so sweet! Dee and I were telling the owner that she should definitely name the cat Spock, but she seemed unsure.

God, this was so freaking awesome.

One last thing: There was someone there wearing a "It's Okay to be Takei" shirt. :D

"Prepare to worship the Velma!"

Just some thoughts on recent episodes of Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated. SO MANY REVEALS LIKE WHOA! Also, I think the show has finally passed the Bechdel Test, maybe? Just not in a conversation with Velma and Daphne, but with Velma and Angel and I think Velma and the Mermaid. But I can't quite remember. The show still needs to work on conversations between ladies, though. Can Daphne have something other than Fred on her mind, just once?

Well, anyway, onto spoilers. Up to the latest episode.

Basically I'm like WHAAAA? Mr. E's identity is revealed. But most importantly, we learn about Fred's family. And more weird shit and I think Scooby is legitimately attracted to humans or something. I don't even...Collapse )

So, there. This show is definitely something else. But I love it so. I never thought I would speculate so much about freaking Scooby Doo.


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