It's been a long time since I've used this icon.

But it's so appropriate right now. I'm panicking.

First term of college sucks. At least I'm at a community college, not a university.

I haven't even started my anthropology project.

Big long fucking day. Some good, some bad. More bad than good, but not enough to drown out the good.

Last night I didn't get any sleep. Intentionally. I tried completing two essays last night, but spent most of that time on LJ, YouTube, and in my own little world. So I'm just auditing my Writing 121 class. Hopefully I can still take creative writing next term.

Women's Studies was first. We were supposed to get to the Violence Against Women chapter, but we still had to finish our discussions on women in the workforce and social policies. Harassment of waitresses by customers came up, like butt-slapping and grabbing, and the discussion really triggered me. There are two guys in the class: One who really, really cares about feminist issues (a big concern of his seems to be transgender rights), and the other guy needed to a class at 9:00 AM and was brought in by a (female) friend. He only attends about half the classes, and yeah, his perspective is welcome and all, but he was trivializing this harassment. "My female friends are always poking me." Not. The. Fucking. Same. (Also, he doesn't get "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" AT ALL. He said "sexual orientation should be kept out of the military", and my teacher challenged "but orientation is who you are.) By the end of the class I was pretty damn triggered. I talked to the teacher after class, told her what happened at Safeway, and she was awesome about it. She said if I ever need to step outside, go ahead. The video we're going to watch on Thursday is supposed to be pretty intense.

Next I had Writing, in which I learned that the guy in the class who originally just bugged me because when I pointed out his use of gender-specific language ("memories can break a man and bring him to his knees" or something) and how gender-specific pronouns can alienate people of the ignored gender, even saying that the statement about memories is something I strongly relate to, but by using male pronouns, I felt alienated. He just said it never really bothers him (duh, because you're the default!) and some shit about "PC" (no, it's being inclusive.) So I could still respect him a bit. Today? Oh my God. He revealed himself to be INCREDIBLY arrogant, pompous, and better than everyone else. He presents himself as "enlightened", and the articles we were discussing were mostly critical of technologies such as cell phones and the internet. Appearently, he's smarter than all those people who text all the time. People who are always texting have no real social skills and are just empty, did you know that? WTF? You don't text people so you don't have to see them, you text your friends to arrange where you'll meet and to keep in contact until you can see each other again. Oh, and people who don't have access to the internet? They're stupid. They don't even care about the books in the library. His proof? He spent a short amount of time in a small town where the library was the only place with internet access, so people went there to search for jobs, check their MySpace, and they thought it was so cool and new. So they're stupid and uncivilized. Gods, he just kept going and going, one prejudiced, egotistic thing after another. I wanted to punch him the face half way through the class. I kept trying to indirectly challenge his narrow generalizations of EVERYONE WHO ISN'T HIM, but I couldn't always get my word in. Oh, and he's 22, and the generation before him, people in their 30s, blindly and mindlessly get sucked into the latest, shiny new toy. Fuck you. Seriously. GTFO.

So, after Writing I hung out in the library until it was time for the Vagina Monologues info meeting at 4. I found a nice place upstairs, moderately populated, near the stairs and flipped through my Women's Studies text book a bit, then pulled a writing journal I've been keeping since last year but is mostly empty, and worked on a little iCarly fanfiction. This idea has been floating around in my head for awhile, starting out as sort of a side thing in another one, but became its own thing entirely. As my recent iCarly entries have mentioned, that show is fucking triggering. And I definitely over identify a little with Carly. It's hard not to. Basically, this sick little plot bunny involves sexual assault. Taken seriously. Lack of sleep is REALLY getting to me, so I need to wrap this entry up.

( Sexual harassment triggers. )

Oh, the Vagina Monologues. That's right, I'm doing it this year! Stepping out of my comfort zone, talking about what my vagina would wear and say, etc. That asshole who harassed me from his car a couple years ago: You've controlled how I see my crotch for too long. Hopefully, by the end of this, I'll have my "pussy" back.

What a nice relief after... EVERYTHING today. Seriously. I heart PCC feminists.

Please let tomorrow (today?) be better.

A few things on the most recent iCarly, "iFind Lewbert's Lost Love". Possible spoilers.


With that out of the way, instead of talking about Freddie, I will talk about the character Nevel and his relentless desire to end iCarly and/or kiss the host.... I should just go to bed. I'll post about that tomorrow. (But FYI, it's gonna be filled with praise for the show!)

I didn't have school today, and trust me, I had FULL intention of finishing at least ONE overdue essay, but I didn't even open the document until about an hour ago. Instead of homework? Well, there was an iCarly marathon from 2-8 or 7, and of course LJ iCarly communities. I spent the whole day in iCarly fan-mode. And I'm in college. Oh well. Time to talk about a kid's show.

( Possible triggers: Attempted rape, physical abuse, and implied reference to a sex offender. )

And actually, that's it for now. It's already 10:55 and my parents want to watch New Adventures of Old Christine. But I'll definitely have many more posts about triggers in iCarly. Next post will primarily revolve around some of Freddie's behavior, but not just that.

So Thursday night was the Emilie Autumn concert, and I went with a friend who I haven't seen in AGES, Dee. And if you don't know who Emilie Autumn is, I demand you follow each of these links or I will have to do a friends cut:
http://www.emilieautumn.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emilie_Autumn
http://twitter.com/emilieautumn
http://www.youtube.com/user/wingedzephyr (WingedZephyr has posted every song by EA with lyrics, plus a bunch of concert clips.)
http://bonnytymepyrate.livejournal.com/profile (EMILIE'S LJ! :D) That should do for now.

But ANYWAY, how was the concert, you ask? Let me show you with Freddie Benson:


FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, oops. Emilie told Veronica (the "naughty" Bloody Crumpet) that it's not good to curse, but if you can be a lady again if you say "indeed" right after. ("ARE YOU READY MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRSSSSS?! Indeed.") I was VERY close to the stage (it was at the Hawthorne, so no seats), so close that I could touch her when she leaned out, and if I shoved a bit. And I was really close to the center. It was seriously, SERIOUSLY AMAZING. She opened with "The Best Safety Lies In Fear", during which each Bloody Crumpet came onto the stage, doing their own things. Th Crumpets on this tour were Captain Maggot, Contessa, Aprella and Veronica. Then, Emilie Autumn came on stage and did "4 o'Clock" and it was AMAZING.

Dee had this look on her face that made me want to turn to her and sing "And you jizzed in your pants!" But hell, I'm pretty sure everyone there was, myself included. But not the six-year-old girl. Yes, there was a little girl there, shouting "I LOVE YOU EMILIE!!!" It was SO ADORABLE! :D

It's really impossible to describe an Emilie Autumn concert. Captain Maggot did a stage dive and I carried her a bit! That was sooooooo magical! And Veronica played the Rat Game. She said she needed a volunteer to demonstrate: Had to be a girl, over 18, and had never kissed a girl. Someone "innocent" she could corrupt (to which the little girl shouted "I'm innocent!!") I met all the criteria, hell, I've never kissed ANYONE, male, female, other. And how awesome would it have been if my first kiss was with a Bloody Crumpet? I rose my hand, and after the "over 18" thing was said, Dee put her hand down (she's 17) and rose MY hand higher, at one point lifting me up and carrying me closer to Veronica, pointing frantically at me, while I was shouting that I'd never kissed anyone. There was also a guy next to us who brought along a stuffed rat (that got to "kiss" Emilie's rat tail), and he even started pointing to me. XD Buuuttttt.... Veronica picked a girl who was crying with excitement. I was disappointed, of course, but she obviously wanted it more. (It's not like I would have counted it as my first kiss when I finally have a meaningful first kiss, but it would still be an awesome anecdote, and would maybe help me be less confused. More on that in another post.)

AND MAGGOT HULA HOOPED WITH FIRE I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GODDESS!!!! She also spit her tea (or Gatorade?) all over the audience and I was so sticky and drenched by the end. The other Crumpets where just splashing tea on everyone. She also threw a cookie in my direction and it hit the ground, but Dee dove for it and shared it with me. So, I can now say that I have eaten off the floor of the Hawthorne.

"I Want My Innocence Back" was so... Oh Goddess. That song still hits me so hard. "I Know Where You Sleep" was fucking awesome. And don't even get me started on "Liar"! "Mad Girl" was so cool. Once, right after "How does the prince say he loves you?" she screamed "LIAR!" All her talk about avenging Mad Girls everywhere got me so pumped and I felt empowered and amazing I remember why I fell so deeply in love with her music in the first place.

Here's a playlist on YouTube I've compiled (and hopefully more will be added) of the concert. I didn't take any of the footage, though. No one has posted the cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody" which made me SO HAPPY.

It was amazing. Emilie was awesome, hilarious, full of energy, and oh-so-much-fucking-more. Oh my Goddess. I just... I can't describe it. It was so amazing.

I should just post this already.

First, to start things off, college is awesome, but I'm already behind. I'm still so frakking excited for the Emilie Autumn concert, and I'm addicted to The Dresden Dolls. And the Women's Resource Center is THE COOLEST FUCKING PLACE ON CAMPUS!!!

And now for a meme from redbrunja. Way overdue, but I'm glad I waited considering question two. Here's the meme's guidelines:

Leave me a comment saying "BITE ME",
- I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
- update your journal with the answers to the questions.
- include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

And redbrunja asked me...

( Cut for length )

Okay, now I seriously need to get to work. I've got some pretty late essays to do.

Starting at PCC tomorrow, so I will update when I get home! I can't wait for some lernding!

Actually, yeah, pathetically enough. Aside from the many times my pets have walked away from me without any interest in my existence, I once felt really hurt--betrayed, actually--by my cat, Xander. It was a few years ago during a pretty big wind storm, we were frantically packing to get to a hotel away from falling trees, and when the door was open Xander ran outside. He was probably overwhelmed, too. I chased him into the neighbor's backyard (new neighbors at that point) and he slowed down at the door.

I picked him up and carried him back, but before I got out of the yard, the woman who lives there came out and asked, "Oh, is that your cat?"

Xander was squirming, wind was blowing branches, and I was stressed. "Yeah."

"What's his name?" I think she asked this. And if she did, I told her.

"Oh, we feed him sometimes, he eats the wet cat food our cats don't finish," or something to that effect. This is what happened, I just don't remember what she told me at the moment.

After that I felt a little too upset than I should have. We noticed Xander wasn't eating as much at home, kind of turning his nose up at the dry food, which didn't seem good. Turns out he was being fed by someone else! I mean, besides food, what motivates a cat to stay with a family? That's what concerned me. I thought we were going to lose him. :(

Pathetic, right? Yeah. And yet typing this up kind of upset me, too. But Xander is still here, he can switch between dry and wet food. The Cat Neighbors are very nice and offered to watch Xander if we ever need it, and Xander is actually social with their cats! Weird.

There's was a Simpsons episode where Snowball II is getting food from another family, and Bart and Lisa have a similar reaction. I guess it's a MUCH lesser version of being cheated on or something?

Completely off-topic: Almost done with Gilmore Girls, and I'll make one Extra Big-Ass post about it when it's over. I'm currently on Season 7. And I drank four cups of coffee this morning. So I'm with a Gilmore myself, or just a caffeine addict.

I have bought too many books this summer. "Too many books? How can you have too many books?" you ask. Well, I am a slow reader. And after I cashed in my graduation checks, I completed my collection of Laurie Halse Anderson YA books. I've got a bunch of comics waiting for me, too. So I'm just gonna make a little list, in order, of what I need to read.

Okay. Frak Eclipse. I'll read that later. I honestly feel my braincells die a little every time I read a "very" or "very much" in those books. (Didn't Mark Twain say something about replacing every "very" with a "damn", so then your publishers will delete it, making the sentence much better or perfect? SMeyer never got that memo.) Finish Watchmen. I've been breezing through it lately, but still not done. Then, The Hobbit, followed by the Lord of the Rings trilogy. At the same tame, probably finish up Scott Pilgrim. Then The Truth About Forever, which I also bought recently. Then Wintergirls. Then maybe Eclipse. Oh yeah, and The Handmaid's Tale. Well, school doesn't start until late September, so... I might be able to do this?