The Kind of Beauty That Moves

Can't You Just Fix It For Me? It's Gone Berserk...

2009-11-23T01:36:51Z

It's been a long time since I've used this icon.

But it's so appropriate right now. I'm panicking.

First term of college sucks. At least I'm at a community college, not a university.

I haven't even started my anthropology project.

She Never Let On How Insane It Was

2009-11-18T09:58:50Z

Big long fucking day. Some good, some bad. More bad than good, but not enough to drown out the good.

Last night I didn't get any sleep. Intentionally. I tried completing two essays last night, but spent most of that time on LJ, YouTube, and in my own little world. So I'm just auditing my Writing 121 class. Hopefully I can still take creative writing next term.

Women's Studies was first. We were supposed to get to the Violence Against Women chapter, but we still had to finish our discussions on women in the workforce and social policies. Harassment of waitresses by customers came up, like butt-slapping and grabbing, and the discussion really triggered me. There are two guys in the class: One who really, really cares about feminist issues (a big concern of his seems to be transgender rights), and the other guy needed to a class at 9:00 AM and was brought in by a (female) friend. He only attends about half the classes, and yeah, his perspective is welcome and all, but he was trivializing this harassment. "My female friends are always poking me." Not. The. Fucking. Same. (Also, he doesn't get "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" AT ALL. He said "sexual orientation should be kept out of the military", and my teacher challenged "but orientation is who you are.) By the end of the class I was pretty damn triggered. I talked to the teacher after class, told her what happened at Safeway, and she was awesome about it. She said if I ever need to step outside, go ahead. The video we're going to watch on Thursday is supposed to be pretty intense.

Next I had Writing, in which I learned that the guy in the class who originally just bugged me because when I pointed out his use of gender-specific language ("memories can break a man and bring him to his knees" or something) and how gender-specific pronouns can alienate people of the ignored gender, even saying that the statement about memories is something I strongly relate to, but by using male pronouns, I felt alienated. He just said it never really bothers him (duh, because you're the default!) and some shit about "PC" (no, it's being inclusive.) So I could still respect him a bit. Today? Oh my God. He revealed himself to be INCREDIBLY arrogant, pompous, and better than everyone else. He presents himself as "enlightened", and the articles we were discussing were mostly critical of technologies such as cell phones and the internet. Appearently, he's smarter than all those people who text all the time. People who are always texting have no real social skills and are just empty, did you know that? WTF? You don't text people so you don't have to see them, you text your friends to arrange where you'll meet and to keep in contact until you can see each other again. Oh, and people who don't have access to the internet? They're stupid. They don't even care about the books in the library. His proof? He spent a short amount of time in a small town where the library was the only place with internet access, so people went there to search for jobs, check their MySpace, and they thought it was so cool and new. So they're stupid and uncivilized. Gods, he just kept going and going, one prejudiced, egotistic thing after another. I wanted to punch him the face half way through the class. I kept trying to indirectly challenge his narrow generalizations of EVERYONE WHO ISN'T HIM, but I couldn't always get my word in. Oh, and he's 22, and the generation before him, people in their 30s, blindly and mindlessly get sucked into the latest, shiny new toy. Fuck you. Seriously. GTFO.

So, after Writing I hung out in the library until it was time for the Vagina Monologues info meeting at 4. I found a nice place upstairs, moderately populated, near the stairs and flipped through my Women's Studies text book a bit, then pulled a writing journal I've been keeping since last year but is mostly empty, and worked on a little iCarly fanfiction. This idea has been floating around in my head for awhile, starting out as sort of a side thing in another one, but became its own thing entirely. As my recent iCarly entries have mentioned, that show is fucking triggering. And I definitely over identify a little with Carly. It's hard not to. Basically, this sick little plot bunny involves sexual assault. Taken seriously. Lack of sleep is REALLY getting to me, so I need to wrap this entry up.

One guy walked past me, looked at me, and it was a really creepy look, with a suggestive smirk and a nod. He went to a nook in the same area, but still a good distance away. Then the population of the area dwindled, and creepy guy walked by me, this time behind me, on his way to the bathroom. When he got to me, he leaned in real close and whispered RIGHT IN MY FUCKING EAR "How you doin'?" He didn't even stop walking. I just took my headphones off, so when I noticed lingering pressure on the back of my head, I wasn't sure if that was from him or the headphones because I didn't notice the sensation until he was by the water fountain. But Goddess Fucking Dammit, if he harassed me from his car while I was walking, I would have screamed "Fuck you" at the top of my lungs without fear of retaliation or disturbing others. But this was a fucking library. There were walls, doors, and people studying. He didn't make any kind of disruption, so if I burst out, I would get in trouble. Not him. And if I angered him, he could have retaliated and I would be stuck. My laptop and backpack would weigh me down, I'd have to tumble downstairs, scream. And that's if he were to come after me violently. What if I called him out, and he decided to strike back with more sexual intimidation? Like just moved in closer, stepping over my boundaries even more? I don't know this guy, and he had physical access to me.

So I just sat there. My stuff was already half-put away, but I stopped. I was shaking with rage and fear and I debated confronting him. I wanted to yell at him. To tell him to DIAF. I just sat there, silent, trembling. Then he came out of the bathroom, didn't even acknowledge me as I tried giving him my fiercest face I've ever conjured up, but he didn't even look my way and went back to his work. I put the rest of my stuff away and left, my legs spazzing as I walked down the stairs, internally kicking myself for not fighting back. When I got to the first floor, I thought about telling someone, a staff member, but I figured they couldn't do anything. He "just asked me a question", right? Besides, I had a meeting.

Oh, the Vagina Monologues. That's right, I'm doing it this year! Stepping out of my comfort zone, talking about what my vagina would wear and say, etc. That asshole who harassed me from his car a couple years ago: You've controlled how I see my crotch for too long. Hopefully, by the end of this, I'll have my "pussy" back.

What a nice relief after... EVERYTHING today. Seriously. I heart PCC feminists.

Please let tomorrow (today?) be better.

I was supposed to get stuff done this weekend...

2009-11-16T04:25:46Z

I really really REALLY need to focus on homework, papers, etc, but I am in such a HUGE fandom state of mind right now, I need to at least do a meme.

Tell me a Fandom and I shall respond with my...

1. One True Pairing Ship:
2. Canon Ship:
3. "If this happens I'll stab my eyes out with a spork" Ship:
4. "You are one sick bastard" Ship:
5. "I dabble a little" Ship:
6. "It's like a car crash" Ship:
7. "Tickles my fancy but not sold just yet" Ship:
8. "Makes no canon sense but why the Hell not" Ship:
9. "Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it" Ship:

He Was A Bad Mouth Breather

2009-11-15T11:30:46Z

A few things on the most recent iCarly, "iFind Lewbert's Lost Love". Possible spoilers.

Somewhat of a "meh-ish" episode, not much of the main characters, but not as bad as I was anticipating. From the previews, it was obvious that this episode would have plenty of physical abuse/dating violence (like, from that preview where ~~Scared Hearts' Janitor's girlfriend, Lady~~ Marta was, you know, BEATING Lewbert), it didn't bug me as much as the abuse in iHave a Lovesick Teacher. Not sure why. The laugh track was, once again, on throughout the scene, and, um, Marta forcefully cut Lewbert's hair as he squirmed and she held scissors at his head. Maybe it didn't bother me as much because the kids actually took Lewbert's side when he made it clear that she was horrible, and when Spencer was being stalked and abused physically and verbally by Ms. Ackerman, the kids' were more concerned with what Ms. Ackerman would do in class if Spencer broke it off. Their wacky plan managed to solve both Spencer's problem and their's, but... still. So, the fact that they never told Lewbert that he needs to "work out more" was an improvement. But one particular scene that bugged me, in the B plot, was when Chuck was comforting a woman who was robbed he said "I know you feel violated," that last word triggered the laugh track. What the fuck? I didn't know "violated" was a punchline.

There were some awesome bits, of course, some really hilarious lines, but I'd have to watch it again to remember them all. I really loved Carly's reaction to ~~Lady's~~ Marta's "You want Lewbert for yourself!" The look on her face as she was processing that was so priceless it made her outburst "I'M FIFTEEN!" even better. OH! AND VIOLIN HERO. WANT. WANT SO FUCKING MUCH. I wanted to scream "EMILIE AUTUMN" when I saw Carly playing that Violin Hero game! Dan, PLEASE have more Violin Hero!

But the coolest part of the episode? Marta was from Portland, Oregon. When Freddie read her "SplashFace" profile and said "she lives in Portland, Oregon" I could hardly resist the urge so SQUEE! Have I mentioned I'm a sucker for any MENTION of Oregon, let alone Portland? (Or even better, Beaverton!) Lewbert mentioned moving to Seattle to get away from her, so I'm guessing he lived in Portland too. Oh, Dan. I already get such joy from the show taking place in Seattle (despite your lack of PNW geographic knowledge), you have no idea how happy you made me just by referencing my home.

With that out of the way, instead of talking about Freddie, I will talk about the character Nevel and his relentless desire to end iCarly and/or kiss the host.... I should just go to bed. I'll post about that tomorrow. (But FYI, it's gonna be filled with praise for the show!)

Pennies Crash Down From The Sky

2009-11-12T06:57:27Z

I didn't have school today, and trust me, I had FULL intention of finishing at least ONE overdue essay, but I didn't even open the document until about an hour ago. Instead of homework? Well, there was an iCarly marathon from 2-8 or 7, and of course LJ iCarly communities. I spent the whole day in iCarly fan-mode. And I'm in college. Oh well. Time to talk about a kid's show.

The episodes of iCarly that showed today happened include quite a few ones that had at least one triggering scene or line. Fortunately, they didn't show "iPie", in which Spencer's date, I kid you not, attempts to rape him, or "iHave a Lovesick Teacher", in which Spencer's girlfriend physically abuses and stalks him, and in both cases they left the laugh track on. That would have been a little too much to handle. Nah, today it was mostly more subtle stuff that hit me on a personal level, or just little lines that make me go "WHOA, how'd they get that past the censors?"

Let's start with those lines.

From iFight Shelby Marx-
First, about this quote: Spencer has some sort of allergic reaction, or just tired of his allergies, I can't remember. Carly asks him if he's talked to the doctor, and Spencer mentions one that just moved into the building, she asks about one doctor and Spencer says something like...
"He was just pretending to be a doctor," then says in a more urgent voice to Carly, Sam, and Freddie, "By the way, don't ever talk to him."

Um... Wow. So there's a grown man living in their building who pretends be a doctor and...? Wow.

And actually, that's it for now. It's already 10:55 and my parents want to watch New Adventures of Old Christine. But I'll definitely have many more posts about triggers in iCarly. Next post will primarily revolve around some of Freddie's behavior, but not just that.

So Take Me Now Or Take Me Never

2009-11-04T03:51:34Z

So Thursday night was the Emilie Autumn concert, and I went with a friend who I haven't seen in AGES, Dee. And if you don't know who Emilie Autumn is, I demand you follow each of these links or I will have to do a friends cut:
http://www.emilieautumn.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emilie_Autumn
http://twitter.com/emilieautumn
http://www.youtube.com/user/wingedzephyr (WingedZephyr has posted every song by EA with lyrics, plus a bunch of concert clips.)
http://bonnytymepyrate.livejournal.com/profile (EMILIE'S LJ! :D) That should do for now.

But ANYWAY, how was the concert, you ask? Let me show you with Freddie Benson:

FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, oops. Emilie told Veronica (the "naughty" Bloody Crumpet) that it's not good to curse, but if you can be a lady again if you say "indeed" right after. ("ARE YOU READY MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRSSSSS?! Indeed.") I was VERY close to the stage (it was at the Hawthorne, so no seats), so close that I could touch her when she leaned out, and if I shoved a bit. And I was really close to the center. It was seriously, SERIOUSLY AMAZING. She opened with "The Best Safety Lies In Fear", during which each Bloody Crumpet came onto the stage, doing their own things. Th Crumpets on this tour were Captain Maggot, Contessa, Aprella and Veronica. Then, Emilie Autumn came on stage and did "4 o'Clock" and it was AMAZING.

Dee had this look on her face that made me want to turn to her and sing "And you jizzed in your pants!" But hell, I'm pretty sure everyone there was, myself included. But not the six-year-old girl. Yes, there was a little girl there, shouting "I LOVE YOU EMILIE!!!" It was SO ADORABLE! :D

It's really impossible to describe an Emilie Autumn concert. Captain Maggot did a stage dive and I carried her a bit! That was sooooooo magical! And Veronica played the Rat Game. She said she needed a volunteer to demonstrate: Had to be a girl, over 18, and had never kissed a girl. Someone "innocent" she could corrupt (to which the little girl shouted "I'm innocent!!") I met all the criteria, hell, I've never kissed ANYONE, male, female, other. And how awesome would it have been if my first kiss was with a Bloody Crumpet? I rose my hand, and after the "over 18" thing was said, Dee put her hand down (she's 17) and rose MY hand higher, at one point lifting me up and carrying me closer to Veronica, pointing frantically at me, while I was shouting that I'd never kissed anyone. There was also a guy next to us who brought along a stuffed rat (that got to "kiss" Emilie's rat tail), and he even started pointing to me. XD Buuuttttt.... Veronica picked a girl who was crying with excitement. I was disappointed, of course, but she obviously wanted it more. (It's not like I would have counted it as my first kiss when I finally have a meaningful first kiss, but it would still be an awesome anecdote, and would maybe help me be less confused. More on that in another post.)

AND MAGGOT HULA HOOPED WITH FIRE I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GODDESS!!!! She also spit her tea (or Gatorade?) all over the audience and I was so sticky and drenched by the end. The other Crumpets where just splashing tea on everyone. She also threw a cookie in my direction and it hit the ground, but Dee dove for it and shared it with me. So, I can now say that I have eaten off the floor of the Hawthorne.

"I Want My Innocence Back" was so... Oh Goddess. That song still hits me so hard. "I Know Where You Sleep" was fucking awesome. And don't even get me started on "Liar"! "Mad Girl" was so cool. Once, right after "How does the prince say he loves you?" she screamed "LIAR!" All her talk about avenging Mad Girls everywhere got me so pumped and I felt empowered and amazing I remember why I fell so deeply in love with her music in the first place.

Here's a playlist on YouTube I've compiled (and hopefully more will be added) of the concert. I didn't take any of the footage, though. No one has posted the cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody" which made me SO HAPPY.

It was amazing. Emilie was awesome, hilarious, full of energy, and oh-so-much-fucking-more. Oh my Goddess. I just... I can't describe it. It was so amazing.

I should just post this already.

Are You Suffering?

2009-10-29T21:39:17Z

I'M GOING TO SEE EMILIE AUTUMN TONIGHT I CAN'T WAIT YAY YAY!

Loooong over due update and a meme.

2009-10-25T01:20:26Z

First, to start things off, college is awesome, but I'm already behind. I'm still so frakking excited for the Emilie Autumn concert, and I'm addicted to The Dresden Dolls. And the Women's Resource Center is THE COOLEST FUCKING PLACE ON CAMPUS!!!

And now for a meme from redbrunja. Way overdue, but I'm glad I waited considering question two. Here's the meme's guidelines:

Leave me a comment saying "BITE ME",
- I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
- update your journal with the answers to the questions.
- include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

And redbrunja asked me...

1.) Have you READ Speak?
YES YES! I've read it SO MANY TIMES. It's my all time favorite book. I read it in 7th grade the first time, after having read Catalyst in 6th, which takes place at the same school a year after Speak and Melinda even makes a cameo. I read it and it changed my world. It opened my eyes and gave me awareness of sexual violence, and if it weren't for Speak, I'm not sure how I would have dealt with my own assault. I might not have told her immediately... Speak taught me the importance of your own voice, not just if you want to change the world, but you need to use it to help yourself. Goddess, Speak is such a fucking amazing book. It also heavily influenced my own writing style. Speak changed my life!

2.) What is iCarly about?
Hooo boy, where do I begin? This past week or so, iCarly has dug it's claws into my brain, so this will be LONG. iCarly is a show on Nickelodeon about three kids who start a web show (called "iCarly") as a way to say and do whatever they want without any adults (especially teachers) censoring them. Of course, they mostly just dork around on their show. I first heard of the show on my family's big vacation a few years ago. We were driving through LA and there was a huge neon sign that said "iCarly". And my name is Carly, so that was 100% awesome. When the show first aired I decided to give it a shot and fell in love.

The show takes place in Seattle (a Seattle that forgets to rain and is less than an hour away from Yakima, but still), where Carly Shay lives with her older brother and guardian Spencer, in his mid-to-late 20's, who somehow makes a very sustainable living as an artist while their father is stationed... somewhere in the Navy, and no mother is ever mentioned. A simple explanation is Dan Schneider (the creator) wanted as few adults as possible. Eh, here's a better explanation of the characters (I did say this would be long...)
Carly Shay: She kind of started out as the "sane one", but not anymore. Host of iCarly. I already explained her background, and more is in the other character descriptions.
Samantha "Sam" Puckett: Quite possibly the most fucked up child you will ever see on a kid's comedy show. Sam is Carly's best friend and co-host of iCarly. Sam is violent, lazy, a big eater (we're talking Gilmore level), and constantly gets in trouble. She lives with her mother, who has never been seen but is mentioned a lot. Her mother... sounds horrible. She doesn't even seem to care that she has a kid (actually, two, but Sam's twin goes to boarding on a scholarship), yells at the cat to get a job, has rammed her car into the school building, and has a new boyfriend every week or so. The rest of Sam's family is either in prison or on parole, and a dad is never mentioned. Carly is really the only factor keeping Sam out of prison.
Fredward "Freddie" Benson: The Shays' neighbor, technical producer of iCarly, and in love with Carly. At the beginning of the series, he was almost stalkery with his crush, staring out his peep hole until she came home, declaring that he will someday be her 2nd husband (Carly: "What happened to my first husband?" Freddie: "Nothing you can prove.") But by the second season, maybe halfway through or something or when the actor went through puberty, he's backed off with the displays and seems cool being just friends, but still has some hope. When it comes to Sam, Freddie has always been one target for her aggression, since he is a "dork" or "nub". Carly sometimes intervenes, but I think she's given up for the most part. But Freddie and Sam have been less hostile with each other recently. As for parents, lives with his mom, no dad mentioned. His mom is severely overprotective.
Spencer Shay: Older brother and legal guardian of Carly. He went to law school for three days, then pursued art. A good description for Spencer would be to call him an "Adult Child". He's not really irresponsible, he's had some really good episodes showcasing his maturity, but for the most part he doesn't seem any older than Carly and her friends. Spencer is often the victim of the show's physical comedy, sometimes too much, IMO. I've been planning on doing a separate post about that, because as much as I adore this show, some scenes have really upset me. (Seriously, Spencer was once almost raped. I'm not exaggerating.)

groovysmoothie , LJ's biggest iCarly community, has the best motto for the show: "iCarly: A Kid's Show with Handcuffs". iCarly gets so much crap past the radar, I don't know how they do it.

Holy shit, I should finish up this meme. It's been over an hour since I started typing about iCarly! I'll definitely have to post more entries about iCarly. (BTW, I ship Carly/Sam.)

3.) The skirts in the original star trek were supershort. Are you happy or sad that they lengthened the skirts for the remake?
I'm happy. They didn't make them much longer, but just enough so they didn't look stupid. And honestly, I thought the women's uniforms in the new Star Trek were gorgeous at that length. I don't know why. Of course, pants would have been cool, too.

4.) Favorite Gilmore Girls pairing?
Lorelai and Luke! I wasn't sure at first, but their relationship was so well handled. Lane and Zack were awesome, too, as were Paris and Doyle. But Lorelai and Luke are the greatest.

5.) Do you like living in Oregon?
Hell yes! So many pretty trees, lots of rain, we've got Eugene! Eugene is one of my favorite places on the planet! Although, this year the weather has been so wacky it's been annoying. A couple days ago it was freezing, and today I didn't need a coat. WTF? Make up your mind!

Okay, now I seriously need to get to work. I've got some pretty late essays to do.

College!

2009-09-21T06:55:23Z

Starting at PCC tomorrow, so I will update when I get home! I can't wait for some lernding!

When Trouble's About You'd Best Watch Out, For The Watchmen!

2009-08-28T07:38:38Z

I finally finished Watchmen last night, and I liked it more than when I started out. I still think it's waaaay over hyped, but much better than The Killing Joke, the only other Alan Moore comic I've read. Anyway, on to the spoilers...

I think Laurie was my favorite character, and not just because I tend to cling to the females. She was just... cool. And strong. And less frakked up than the others, except Nite-Owl. But also, her Frakked Upness was probably the most interesting to me.

Rorschach was interesting, but OHMYGOD ALAN MOORE, you went WAAAAAAY out of your way to make that case AS DISTURBING AS POSSIBLE to fuck his head up, didn't you?! DO NOT READ WATCHMEN LATE AT NIGHT. Every time it cut to the shot of the dead dog I got to cover it with my bookmark. *Shivers* Especially now that I'm a dog owner... God. I couldn't stand to look at it. And then with the little girl?! WTF? Over-the-top, much?! Kidnapped, murdered, chopped up, and fed to dogs?! Is all the necessary?! Gods, all that was missing was sexual abuse, and I can't even say for sure if that was or wasn't referenced. *ShiversShudders*

As far as Sally and The Comedian are concerned... I like to think that their consensual sex didn't mean love, but rather, I don't know, angry sex? Or, a fling? I don't know. Sally kissing his picture at the end kind of ruined it for me. But Sally was interesting. That little interview between chapters IX and X was an interesting insight. Where she says that there is no excuse whatsoever for rape, and yet she felt like she contributed? Of course, the victim is NEVER at fault AT ALL, and not every reader will no that, but Sally still hadn't realized it. Then again, what was the first thing Hooded Justice said to her after saving her from The Comedian? "Get up... And, for God's sake, cover yourself." Asshole. I don't care what decade that was, you don't fucking say that to someone who was just sexually assaulted.

I found Jon annoying. Okay, so you are like connected to everything but at the same time detached from everything. What really sealed it for me was leaving his wife because she's aging a little for a sixteen year old girl. Jesus, come on. Ass.

Adrian's plan was so absurd, no wonder Nite-Owl wouldn't believe it. ~~CTHULU WILL SAVE US!~~ Releasing a giant squid that, upon death, will release a psychic's brain to kill half of Manhattan and mind rape the survivors will TOTALLY SOLVE THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS AND WON'T EXACERBATE ANYTHING NO WAY!! And Adrian's smug face when Nite-Owl asked if he could really stop a bullet. Amazing. And "I DID IT!" He looked like Hiro from Heroes. "YATTA!!!"

I loved it when Rorschach tried connecting with Dan, socially. That was cute XD. And his Kool-Aid Man style "RRAAAARRL" wall bust was amazing. Just imagine a kid's birthday party, and they're all bored and thirsty, and suddenly Rorschach busts through the wall! "RRAAAARRL". Stands there, and leaves. Maybe eats some of their food before leaving. The kids never get their drink.

Rorschach crying under his mask was a great touch. He's insane, crazy right-wing, and can't form full sentences, but he cares. Also when he saw that his landlady wasn't like his abusive mother, that was sort of heartwarming. A tad of his misogyny melted away.

The side characters were interesting. Their last scene alive was quite the Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Like Bernard shielding Bernie from the blast, Dr. Long risking his marriage to intervene when he saw Joey beating her girlfriend (did she have a name?), total strangers. And then they all die. Dammit, Adrian. Damn you and your nonsensical plan.

In that panel where both Bubastis and Jon die, I was more upset about Bubastis dying. :( Besides, Jon survived.

And Alan Moore has good music tastes. "All Along the Watchtower" yay!

And, of course, this is a million times more hilariously awesome after reading the whole comic:

"I'M NUTTY!"

I'm not going to see the movie until after my mom reads, and hopefully she'll read it soon. But anyway, now I can read The Hobbit! Yay!

And I just recently started to listening to Dresden Dolls. I LOVE "Lonesome Organist Rapes Page Turner". Amazing lyrics, stunning piano, beautiful vocals. What's not to love? "I joke about sex because it's funny when your frightened" is a concept I'm all too familiar with. This seems to be the philosophy all my harassers seem to live by. And here's an amazing Joker/Harley video to the song by redeyedcat:

RIP Ted Kennedy...

2009-08-26T06:05:32Z

Ted Kennedy died today.

Dammit. Just.... Dammit. He was a great man.

I don't cry much, but I'm tearing up right now.

Rest In Peace, Senator Edward Kennedy. You will be greatly missed.

Writer's Block: Interspecies Communication (plus some Gilmore Girls)

2009-08-24T07:49:11Z

Have you ever had your feelings hurt by an animal?

Submitted By nyaoran

View 530 Answers

Actually, yeah, pathetically enough. Aside from the many times my pets have walked away from me without any interest in my existence, I once felt really hurt--betrayed, actually--by my cat, Xander. It was a few years ago during a pretty big wind storm, we were frantically packing to get to a hotel away from falling trees, and when the door was open Xander ran outside. He was probably overwhelmed, too. I chased him into the neighbor's backyard (new neighbors at that point) and he slowed down at the door.

I picked him up and carried him back, but before I got out of the yard, the woman who lives there came out and asked, "Oh, is that your cat?"

Xander was squirming, wind was blowing branches, and I was stressed. "Yeah."

"What's his name?" I think she asked this. And if she did, I told her.

"Oh, we feed him sometimes, he eats the wet cat food our cats don't finish," or something to that effect. This is what happened, I just don't remember what she told me at the moment.

After that I felt a little too upset than I should have. We noticed Xander wasn't eating as much at home, kind of turning his nose up at the dry food, which didn't seem good. Turns out he was being fed by someone else! I mean, besides food, what motivates a cat to stay with a family? That's what concerned me. I thought we were going to lose him. :(

Pathetic, right? Yeah. And yet typing this up kind of upset me, too. But Xander is still here, he can switch between dry and wet food. The Cat Neighbors are very nice and offered to watch Xander if we ever need it, and Xander is actually social with their cats! Weird.

There's was a Simpsons episode where Snowball II is getting food from another family, and Bart and Lisa have a similar reaction. I guess it's a MUCH lesser version of being cheated on or something?

Completely off-topic: Almost done with Gilmore Girls, and I'll make one Extra Big-Ass post about it when it's over. I'm currently on Season 7. And I drank four cups of coffee this morning. So I'm with a Gilmore myself, or just a caffeine addict.

I'll King You First You Wait And See

2009-08-20T10:22:29Z

A bit of a general update at about 3:00 AM...

STILL on a Lord of the Rings high. This is my longest LotR high ever.

I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with my friend today/yesterday, and it was awesome. However, thanks to "My Immortal", some parts were just weird, like the discussion about Dumbledore's age made me think of the especially hilarious line: '“YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Rumbridge. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!”' That's right, your Alzheimer's is dangerous. And stupid spoilers I read when the book came out. Keep in mind that I don't read the books. I'd like to, and I've read some, but I just could never sit down and read them. But some day I'll go through and read them all. Anyway, some troll posted it on a forum. The title was just "Dumbledore" and inside it said that Snape killed him. Stupid troll. And because I don't read the books, I have no idea what Snape is up to. Don't tell me... I will resist temptation! This was also the first time, in my opinion and memory, that Draco has ever been interesting. Showed some humanity with all the crying he did, which I saw as a mix of guilt, over what he was doing/asked to do, and fear for his own life.

Oh, and the score? Fucking amazing.

And Luna Lovegood is still the best ever.

Moving on, I'm going to see Emilie Autumn in concert!!!!!! YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not until October and I can't wait. She is so amazing. I hope to be Éowyn for Halloween, and because the concert is just two days before, I'll probably wear my costume to it.

You know what? Arwen/Aragorn is waaaaaaaaaaaaay more romantic than Edward/Bella by like, 1000000000000000000%. Of course, Edward/Bella is a very unromantic couple, but I have a specific reason. Isn't giving up your immortality to be with your mortal lover MUCH more of a beautiful, romantic, and well, sexy concept than becoming immortal for your hawt sparklepire? Growing old together is beautiful.

XD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?! XD

2009-08-15T06:49:37Z

I'm finally reading one of the worst fanfics ever, My Immortal. XD SO MUCH BAD. Here's the TV Tropes page: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/MyImmortal

It. Is. So. Bad.

"And then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." XD

Warning, self-injury is a very casual thing in this world. Could be triggering. I know it would have triggered me back when I had that problem. (Yeah, back in 8th grade.) I think TV Tropes has the best description of My Immortal's triggers/warnings/badness.

"What this fic does have, however, is sex, torture, rape, time travel (Marty McFly makes an inexplicable cameo), guns, goth concerts, ludicrous and confusing nicknames, dramatic entrances, tears of blood, wrist-cutting, homo-/bisexuality, and clothing descriptions worthy of American Psycho. This is not to mention the OOC drama, ranging from Tara's constant interaction with her incensed reviewers, the rocky relationship between Tara and her best friend, Raven, as well as some back-and-forth between Tara and a mysterious "hacker." The constant spelling mistakes don't help the reader's understanding either. The story may or may not be the work of a Troll. If she is a troll, she's an incredibly skilled, determined, and realistic one. If not, then weep for humanity's future."

You can read about half of it here, unfortunately without the original author's notes.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659085/12/My_Immortal_Returns

But I Ride To Find My Own Meaning

2009-08-07T07:20:12Z

I rewatched the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy a week or two ago and have some new thoughts/ramblings/meta/geekery to talk about, but first I want to share a couple of songs about Éowyn I found. Both accompanied by videos by Crystl22. Both songs are based mostly on her relationship with Aragorn, as well as her ass-kicking.

Éowyn's Song by Cletus Kennelly and Lori Kelley
The lyrics are included in the description. I'd call this folk, which I love. Very pretty.

Éowyn by Dreamfast
More fast paced than the other one. My iTunes just classifies this as "Alternative". I can't find any lyrics anywhere, but after it talks about how Aragorn couldn't love her back because "his heart was left in Rivendell", it mentions something about "and then the hero inside came screaming out", and I love that line.

Both these songs are awesome. Check them out. Because Éowyn is awesome, and music about her is awesome. So, more Lord of the Rings geekery later. (Oh hey, appearently there's this Christian rock group/singer called Éowyn... Haven't listened to any of it, because unlike the "Christian rock" groups I do listen to, she seems less subtle.)

And TOTALLY unrelated, but I would seriously love to see a Twilight icon, the scene in the forest when Bella confronts Edward about being a vampire and asks his age, with the text "How old are you?" and "Sewenteen, sir." Because Chekov>Edward.

Reading List...

2009-07-26T20:43:28Z

I have bought too many books this summer. "Too many books? How can you have too many books?" you ask. Well, I am a slow reader. And after I cashed in my graduation checks, I completed my collection of Laurie Halse Anderson YA books. I've got a bunch of comics waiting for me, too. So I'm just gonna make a little list, in order, of what I need to read.

Okay. Frak Eclipse. I'll read that later. I honestly feel my braincells die a little every time I read a "very" or "very much" in those books. (Didn't Mark Twain say something about replacing every "very" with a "damn", so then your publishers will delete it, making the sentence much better or perfect? SMeyer never got that memo.) Finish Watchmen. I've been breezing through it lately, but still not done. Then, The Hobbit, followed by the Lord of the Rings trilogy. At the same tame, probably finish up Scott Pilgrim. Then The Truth About Forever, which I also bought recently. Then Wintergirls. Then maybe Eclipse. Oh yeah, and The Handmaid's Tale. Well, school doesn't start until late September, so... I might be able to do this?

"Who's the Bitch Now?"

2009-07-17T11:10:01Z

Dear Anyone as Stupid as Me,

Do not watch SVU before bed. Especially not "Undercover".

Yeah, I just watched it for the first time. I bought off of iTunes awhile and finally decided to watch it. It was really, really good, but also a lot more graphic than I expected. It was really intense and I feel kinda sick now.

But this cheered me up! Puppet!Munch! Puppet!Olivia! Puppet!Elliot! And Puppet!Cragen! But no Puppet!Fin... D:

Seriously, of all Law and Order series to parody, they chose the one all about sex crimes? They just wanted to make Munch into a puppet.

Hopefully I can get to sleep tonight.

Are You Sure Where My Spark Is?

2009-07-16T12:08:40Z

So I finally, just about twenty minutes ago, figured out a great way I can combine Katara and Tori Amos' "Winter". I'm thinking a bunch of little drabbles based on each line in the song. Like, a one drabble per line. I really, really think I can do this and follow though. But it's after 5:00 AM over here. Dammit, I need to sleep. I'll probably read this when I wake up and remember.

Muse, if you leave me by the time I wake up, I will fucking murder you.

You Better Bring Your Own Sun

2009-07-13T07:20:08Z

OH MY FRAKKING GODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE TORI AMOS CONCERT WAS LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!

AND IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend came with me, and it was her first concert ever, and our seats were in the fourth row. The fourth fucking row. From the stage. I was so close to Tori Amos. Oh my Goddess.

We bought shirts that quoted "Police Me". "Perhaps the answer to the question/Lies in the question."

She started with "Give" and it was amazing. She covered "River" by Joni Mitchell and then played "Winter" and it was absolutely beautiful. "Winter" is my favorite Tori song. She played a lot of songs I didn't recognize immediately, which made me sad for myself. But I guess I didn't listen to the new album enough.

I almost cried during "Little Earthquakes". Seriously. So amazing. So stunning. So incredible. That song gets to me.

And the encore was "Big Wheel" which is my favorite from ADP. And just before the encore a bunch of people ran up to the stage and danced and we joined them so we were right in front of Tori for "Big Wheel" and everyone clapped and a lot of people clapped one beat more than the song asked and she turned to the audience to sing "Don't you forget" and OMFG!!!!!!!

Did I mention it was amazing?

She also played "Precious Things" and it was so incredibly powerful and perfect and I wanted to stand up and head bang. I love that song so much. And oh my Gods, "Strong Black Vines" was awesome.

It was so amazing.

EXCEPT! For these two assholes in front of us. I don't even know why the fuck they were there. They weren't enjoying themselves in the least bit. They were mocking everyone, even Tori herself. I mean, WTF?! Why get such incredible seats for a performer you don't even like?! And yes, the woman who was REALLY into it in my row would seem odd if you don't understand Tori's music and the way it touches people, which obviously you two assholes don't, so you two were total dickheads to mock her for enjoying music that made her happy. (The woman was just waving her arms and lipsyncing along to every song and shouting "WE LOVE YOU TORI" in between songs. I get it completely.) And they were so fucking distracting that I missed MY FAVORITE LINE IN "WINTER"!!! The part "I hear a voice you must learn to stand up/For yourself cause I can't always be around." MY FAVORITE FUCKING LINE IN MY FAVORITE FUCKING SONG. THANKS YOU LOT ASSHOLES!!! You know that SNL sketch, "Two A-Holes at a _____"? They were pretty much that couple, without the gum. Seriously, they were even mocking the way she played piano!!! GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!!

But other then that couple, it was SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and here's the set list, thanks to toriamos

Main Set:
Give
Caught a Lite Sneeze
Welcome to England
Graveyard
Cornflake Girl
Icicle
Little Amsterdam
Siren
Starling
Black-Dove (January)
1000 Oceans

Lizard Lounge (solo)
River
Winter

(band returns)
Playboy Mommy
Little Earthquakes
Fast Horse
Take to the Sky
Carbon
Honey
Precious Things
Strong Black Vine

Encores
Big Wheel
Tombigbee

Seriously, if you EVER get the chance to see Tori live, TAKE IT!!!!

I would have loved it if she played "The Waitress" and/or "Silent All These Years", but oh my Goddess, I SAW TORI AMOS LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dies happy*

I Got A Brand New Attitude and I'm Gonna Wear it Tonight

2009-07-07T10:53:16Z

Before I go to sleep, I just want to share some awesome Kara love!

by TaraGel
Song: "So What" by P!nk
Description: "Kara's husband might be a cylon, but she's still a rockstar."
That little part after the first chorus is adorable. This video is amazing. Watch it.

This whole entry is pretty much about my pets.

2009-07-07T02:40:23Z

I finally saw Up yesterday, and it was AMAZING!!!! Pixar never seems to dissappoint. How do they do it? We saw it at the only Drive-In theater left in the state, so that we could bring our dog, Ella. She was very well behaved the whole time.

Also, two nights ago, we watched Bolt. It was also really great, but I cried A LOT. Full out balling. It's not that it was a sad movie or anything (it was darker than I expected, though.) It was personal reasons, combined with lack of sleep, lack of Prozac, and, perhaps a little bit of PMS. (I don't usually blame PMS because my symptoms are never bad, and I don't like to perpetuate the idea that menstruation dominates women's lives.) The real problem for me was that the main characters were a dog, a cat, and a hamster. Just like Ella, Xander, and Diana.

The death thing has only to do with the fact that there was a hamster in the movie, and we recently lost our hamster Diana. That was the first time I cried over her death. But as for Rhino (the hamster in the movie) himself, I was worried he was going to be an incredibly irritating sidekick, but he turned out to be a huge Bolt fanboy. It was cute.

Now, around the beginning for the movie, it showed how Bolt is controlled by the show's producer in order to keep him believing that the entire show was 100% real. When Penny, Bolt's person and co-star, tried to play with him in the trailer, he just stared and the door, growling, to protect her. He wouldn't even play with his favorite puppyhood toy. And when Penny asked to take him home for the weekend, she wasn't allowed to, so that he wouldn't see the outside world. It was absolutely heart breaking.

And this made me think of my dog, Ella. She has had two previous owners, and she is only two years old. First owners had her as an indoor dog, second as an outdoor dog. That's all the humane society knew. But since we got her, we have figured out that she has been abused. When my dad picked up a newspaper, she coward. And about a week ago, when my friend and I took her on a walk, we went towards some large plastic bags filled with yard debris. When she saw them, she stopped, and we didn't think much of it, so we tried getting her to come. But then she really freaked out and got out of her harness, walked out into the road (a very busy road), and I chased her down to a little island in the middle of the street, and she plopped on her back for a belly rub. My Gods, that was absolutely terrifying. My friend stayed on the sidewalk with the leash and harness. Thankfully, a woman parked her car on the side of the road and ran over to help, thinking that Ella had been run over. She held Ella down so that I could run to my friend and get the leash and harness. When we got Ella back to the sidewalk, the woman helped us past the bags by getting Ella to run past. Then she suggested that Ella may have been punished, somehow, with plastic bags. Maybe put in one? The way she reacted to the mere sight of one, and not just the sound, that would make sense. She also freaks out whenever she hears a plastic bag crinkle. Poor dog. Who the FUCK would do that? She's the sweetest thing on the planet!

Um, so yeah. That scene made me cry.

And then there was Mittens, the New York alley cat who Bolt drags with him because all cats are disgusting creatures who know The Green Eyed Man (the TV show's villain), and thus can lead him to Penny, who was kidnapped in the last episode of the show he filmed before he got lost. Mittens didn't understand why Bolt cared about Penny so much, eventually yelling at him about how humans care for you and feed you, then they move away leaving their defenseless, de-clawed kitty to fend for herself on the streets. That absolutely broke my heart. Our cat, Xander, was abandoned. We got him from my mom's friend who took him in during a snow storm, but couldn't keep him. We have absolutely know idea what happened, but our best guess is that his owners moved away and couldn't take him. And Mitten's tough attitude kind of reminded me of Xander. So there's another thing that made me cry.

I won't give anything else away, you should just watch the movie. It really was great!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-02T08:48:03Z

I AM GOING TO SEE TORI AMOS IN CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Sister's Hamster Died...

2009-06-24T15:23:33Z

I guess I never mentioned it, but early on in April, my little sister, Gillian, got a hamster. She always wanted one, even though she knew they aren't the easiest pets to play with. She bought the hamster that she saw huddled in the cage corner, not getting her turn on the wheel, thinking that the other hamster's weren't letting her. We were at PetsMart (PetSmart?) for an appointment for Xander, because he had been throwing up a lot (and I cleaned it up almost every frakking time), and she saw the hamster, called my mom, and begged. She paid with her own money, and named her Diana, after the Roman Goddess of the Hunt, Moon, and Protector of Maidens. She thought Artemis sounded a bit too weird, and wanted to go with the more modern, human name Diana.

Gillian didn't realize that you're not suppose to play with a hamster immediately, so when we got home that's what she did. And I don't blame her, that thing was adorable. And Diana did seem to like Gillian, as much as a recently domesticated rodent can love a new human. Really.

A few weeks later, we had a little health scare with her. Gillian started freaking out when she saw symptoms of wet-tail disease in Diana, which is very serious and often fatal. Gillian felt incredibly guilty, blaming herself. We rushed her to the only vet around that would treat hamsters, but turns out it was only a mild, treatable infection.

Gillian was very responsible with giving Diana her medicine, but one day she didn't have time to and so my dad had to do it. If I remember correctly, Diana got out of her cage, with the cat nearby, so my dad panicked, grabbed Diana and held her tight. This of course terrified Diana and she bit my dad's finger deep and hard, my dad accidentally threw her. She survived all of this, but once she got back in her caged, she stayed in the wheel and was too scared to come out. From then on, my sister was too scared to play with Diana anymore. She tried giving her the medicine, but it didn't always work. But the infection passed.

Gillian checked up on Diana every day, made sure she had food and water, but other than that left her alone. Diana seemed perfectly content just running franticly in her wheel every night. She neglected to clean the cage, though.

But a couple of nights ago, Diana died. Gillian didn't tell any of us until yesterday when my younger brother Cole asked if she checked up on her. I think she felt guilty and too embarrassed to tell us. God, that just breaks my heart.

R.I.P. Diana the Hamster.

Just Blame It All On Me, Say I Was Shameless

2009-06-24T07:27:36Z

A.K.A., The Alice/Bella Twilight Femslash Rec Post #1!! (By the way, if you're interested, the subject line comes from the song "Shameless" by Ani DiFranco. Awesome song.)

Can't stand Edward "ZOMFG HOTTEST VAMP EVARZ" Cullen and his abusive treatment of Bella? Think Jacob is sweet and all, but is too much of a baby when it comes to Vamps to maintain a stable relationship with Bella? Don't really even give a shit about Mike, Tyler, and Eric, none of whom Bella will give the time of day, and SMeyer didn't put any effort into writing anyway? And yet you still read Twilight, looking for the perfect ship, for someone who won't treat Bella like shit?

Let me introduce you to Alice/Bella. Bella needs to wake up, come out, and date Alice already.

All I've got to share now are fanvids.

I Won't Say I'm in Love by DSShipper
Yup, the song from Hercules. It's really cute. Rosalie and Esme are trying to get Bella to admit her love for Alice, but Bella swore never to fall in love again after Edward broke her heart.

Everything You Want by Fairywolf222
To "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon. I love this song, but until this video I never realized that "He" might not be the narrator. In this video, "he" is Edward, and the song is from Alice's P.O.V. I'm thinking this is my favorite.

Love Story by DSShipper
To "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. I was so sick of this song, but I can't resist it in this video.

Just So You Know by MsCullen94
This one is set to "Just So You Know" by Jesse McCartney (A.K.A. almost Zuko DX). It's Edward/Bella/Alice, and paints Edward (correctly) as a possessive asshole. And yeah, the note in the corner is annoying as hell, and it didn't even prevent stupid comments. D:

All The Things She Said by MsCullen94
Song by T.A.T.U. Yeah, totally the most over used and cliched femslash song EVER, and this video isn't as good as her other one, but it's still cute. Seriously, both Alice's and Bella's faces after that hug? Such LesYay!

Unfaithful by lislmf123
To "Unfaithful" by Rhianna. It's a little choppy in one or two places, but other than that it's great.

I Miss You by catwomanjellicle
Song by Blink 182. It's purrty. I've never been a huge fan of this song, but it works really well. (Not that I don't like, it was just so blandish sounding. The little reference to The Nightmare Before Christmas always made me smile, though.)

Okay, I think that's enough. And someone should seriously make an Alice/Bella video to "Shameless". Seriously.

I also came across a few Speak/Twilight crossover videos that were interesting. I feel like sharing those, too, but not now.

Nerdcore Could Rise Up! It Could Get Get Elevated!

2009-06-22T05:44:03Z

I WANT TO GO TO PAX AGAIN!!!!!