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trigger warning: sexual assault but I can't really lj-cut rn it's taking enough effort to capitalize anything.

didn't come out. not yet. but I told her about how I think about the assault every fucking day and I cried my eyes out. I'm glad I finally talked to her. I think... now we may finally be able to work on things. maybe. I have a psych appt. on Friday and my mom is coming with me. hopefully we can talk it out more and my psych can help us out.

I am just so sick of this. I am so sick of being controlled by some faceless hand. I try not to be. I am tired of people telling me that I "can't let him do this to me." I am not letting him do this. I try so much. but it's not that easy. I'll get there one day. I hope. but obviously not now because the memories already fucked up my second year of college. I don't even know if I'll be able to continue. I am terrified and drunk.

but I'm pretty sure I can cut back on the drinking now that I've had this conversation with my mother. that's one reason I drink more than than necessary. so I can have the courage to talk to her about things.

she hugged me and was wonderful and she really is the best mother ever no matter how stressful it is and I am so thankful that she is my mother.

I promise this journal will be about fandom again soon. especially after thursday and friday.

you folks are awesome.


( 1 comment — Sometimes I hear my voice )
Sep. 23rd, 2011 07:36 pm (UTC)
It's totally YOUR life to control and live and you certainly don't need this crap any longer.

Thank God your mother is so supportive of you!
( 1 comment — Sometimes I hear my voice )


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